Saying Goodbye To My Mom And Baby Within Hours
I found out on Thanksgiving Day that I was expecting my fourth biological child. A week ago today, I began to bleed (Friday). The very next day (Saturday), my mom went to be with The Lord.
I held on to hope with this baby, because I did bleed at times during my last pregnancy. Yesterday, it was confirmed that I miscarried.
The hope I held on to was the positive pregnancy test I still had, although I was bleeding. However, I knew in my heart what was going on and understood how that was physiologically possible. Losing my mom and losing our baby within hours is a hurt that is so heavy. Through it all I know God is good. He has a plan. He has a purpose. Plans to prosper and not to harm. The fact that I am an only child, no father present, and discovering my mom had no life insurance is a bit stressful to say the least. I’m having to be in “business mode” while being an encouraging Momma to my three precious children, especially during the holiday season! I know I need to grieve and I have in brief increments. This is definitely going to be a process. However, I’m so blessed and have a grateful heart. I know my mom is in heaven and got to hold my baby before I did!
This journey is not a mistake or a punishment. To those that have suffered a loss of any kind, please understand this it is to take you to a spiritual level that you couldn’t get to by remaining on a mountain top. Be encouraged. Keep the faith!
The analogy I gave to Alexis and Ava (my 13 and 11 year old daughters) is this:
Intense workouts can hurt physically, sometimes giving one pain in one’s side or cause one to gasp for air, but both cardiovascular and physical strength will be gained! Just like those intense physical workouts, spiritual growth comes from the pains of life and the experiences that are a part of our journey. We will be stronger. We will be wiser, if we chose to be. Faith is believing and trusting in Christ. I speak of His goodness. I speak of His love. I chose to walk in the faith I say I have. I chose to be better, not bitter. I chose to be grateful. I chose to say “Thank you, Lord. Thank you for being faithful. Thank you for my mom’s salvation and the peace of knowing she is with you. Thank you that my unborn child is safe in your arms. Thank you for the promise that I will see them both again one day. Until then, help me be a clean conduit of your grace, goodness, and most of all.... your love.”
I write about life and family. My heart's desire is to educate as I am being educated, while inspiring and encouraging others through the beauty of Down Syndrome.