“We all come into the world as inheritors for something. It could be a great name, great fame, great wealth. It could also be great tragedy.
If you ever find yourself on a dark road that is not if your doing, just find the house with the light on. It may be down the road a bit. It may even be around the corner, but it’s there. When you find that house with that light on, just know you have a responsibility to be that light to somebody else.”
Something I thought I’d never say is that my heart has been stirred to be a foster parent. However, I’m scared and I doubt. Fear is contrary to faith, but without doubt, faith wouldn’t be developed. My feelings are more of an anxious, nervous, “you must have the wrong person, Lord” reaction.
This journey began with curious thoughts in October. We were on our way to my husband’s golf tournament when I asked him, “what do you think about foster parenting?” His response wasn’t “no” and showed no resistant. Instead, he immediately said, “look it up”. So, I didn’t. Yes, I said DIDN’T. It scared me not to have someone tell me what my flesh wanted to hear.
In my spirit, I was already being called to do this, and not having someone give me an obstacle frightened me.
God doesn’t give up on us, though. He kept placing things before me that kept confirming what He wanted me to do.
A week or two later, I looked up the steps involved with being a foster parent in our state (Ga) and texted my husband, JR. He responded within seconds and his response added to the “wait, what?” feelings I was having.
In my transparency, I am “afraid” of becoming too emotionally attached, I’m afraid of my own momma hen protective feelings and having to give a child I love back. As selfish as that sounds, those are concerns. “I” is also what I kept hearing myself say, instead of “Yes” to The One who was calling my name.
Even on the way to turn our paper work
in, I went back and forth in my mind. Doubting and questioning what God has put on our hearts.
My thoughts included how I’d manage time and honestly, how I’d be inconvenienced.
I texted Jr, and asked “should I turn the paper work in?”
He quickly replied “Yes, baby”.
The major portion of my concerns involve the emotions I will carry for the little ones. One of my fears is my very own emotions. The evils of this world makes me angry! The overwhelming emotions I feel about abuse and neglect almost make me not want to know about them. My mind goes into too much detail and I find myself begging God to send angels of mercy to anyone being abused at this moment because I know a little one is, even as I type.
My ultimate desire is to be obedient and walk in the faith I say I have and to be a humble, unselfish blessing to others.
If someone would’ve asked me about fostering before October 2018, I would’ve said, no. I’m not called to do that. And I wasn’t at that time!
I know there was a reason my job position was eliminated this past Spring. I trusted that decision wasn’t made without passing through the hands of God and now know it was apart of the process.
I recently read about a friend, that is walking a similar journey, encounter someone that told them, “You don’t have to keep praying about it... If you feel led, God has already told you what to do”......
Fast forward a couple of weeks, all the paper work and background checks have been completed for being a foster parent.
Our classes begin the first week in January. A beautiful confirmation that God has called not only me, but our little family unit to foster, is that Alexis and Ava are so excited about this! God doesn’t just call us individually, He calls the family because it involves all of us and we are one, a team.
This part of our journey isn’t about me. It’s not about “my” emotions. It’s about sharing the love of Christ with an innocent child that so desperately needs it and needs to feel loved, protected, and secure.
This past weekend I felt a tremendous feeling to pray for an unknown child that will be placed into our home in 2019. I told Alexis and Ava that there is a child that is in “not so good” situation or in a children’s home that warrants them to be placed into ours. I already have a love for this child and have a sense that someone is missing from our home for the holidays.
This is a prayer I felt led to share with the friend I mentioned earlier in this story and it sums up the beautiful new chapter of our journey that has already begun:
“Lord, you are something... YOU, O Lord always have our back. You always have a plan. You aren’t a genie and don’t just “grant” us what we ask. You allow circumstances to make us more like YOU and to answer what we ask of You. I TRUST YOU, even when I don’t trust the process. I may not even trust myself.... but Lord, I trust you. You have a perfect and beautiful plan not only for these babies, but for their birth families and us. Some circumstances may be harder than others, but You are always revealed in the sweetest, most intimate ways so that YOU and YOU alone get the honor and glory. We are just the conduit. Create in us a clean heart so that Andrea, her husband, JR, me, and all that foster...may be used the way you see fit. Hide us behind the cross as we love others through the eyes of Your precious Son, Jesus. Amen.”
I write about life and family. My heart's desire is to educate as I am being educated, while inspiring and encouraging others through the beauty of Down Syndrome.