"Lord, This Doesn't Feel Good"

Lord, this doesn't feel good. My stomach is in knots. I'm worried and scared. I don't want my baby to hurt. I don't want my baby to be afraid. I look at my precious little Savannah as I change her diaper, as I bath her, and as I kiss her tummy to make her laugh. I cannot help but think that her newborn skin, flawless and new, will be forever changed after July 12, 2017. There will be a scar, but it will also be a reminder of God's healing and renewal!
As Savannah quickly approaches her open heart surgery I have many emotions and feelings that I keep inside. 
I'm staying very busy to occupy my mind. I also tend to repress emotions that are overwhelming, as to not deal with them. 
When I've come across photos of a little one after surgery, I've gasped and tears have fallen. 
I think about her chest being cut open and someone literally having her heart in their hands. I think about her being prodded and poked. I think of countless wires and tubes coming from her body. Then, I think of the healing that will take place and the physical strength she will gain.

I'm reminded that God promises to never leave us. He created Savannah and made her in His image. He was very aware of her heart defect before she was even conceived. He also knew how He would chose to heal her. He is able to divinely heal her because He is God and 'The Great Physician' ! However, God has chosen to use a surgical team to heal her. I think about the countless people we will be in contact with because of the way God has chosen to heal Savannah! There will be so many that we can be a light and testimony to!! That is where my faith comes in. Trusting in God and His omnipotence is what will strengthen our faith and draw us closer to Him! Is it easy? Absolutely not, but most moments of hurt and trials are where the most wisdom and growth occur! We will feel the presence of God and have a peace that only comes from Him. I know we will see things that will leave us knowing it was ONLY God that did it. 

I want Savannah healthy and to feel good and full of energy! That's what I focus on, too... her well being. Like I have said before, I don't want her to be afraid or hurt, but I truly believe God wants that very same thing for Savannah and actually, He wants that for all of us! 
I know my Heavenly Father loves Savannah far more than I and wants to bless her! He is in complete control and I'm not! Walking in faith is not for the weak! It's so much harder to do than say! 

I trust Him, though. I truly do. However, I'm Human and a momma human at that! I am protective and defensive, I need prayers and covet them! Several moms have paved the way for me and so many others! Your outreach means more to me than I can express! I, too, want to be a light and encouragement to others like many have been for me! I will share our journey as The Lord prompts me to share it. I don't want to just "go through the motions" of life. I want to be a conduit for love to others, and by sharing our story, help the next one in line. 
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