This is the second day in a row where The Lord has so gently, sweetly and so intimately spoken to me .... Over two totally different things.
I spent a few days writing about one of the things revealed to me because what was revealed needed to be processed in a way that I could attempt to eloquently share it!
This is a very personal post. I realize one swiping through social media may see the video attached and swipe on past, and that’s ok! Every message and every word isn’t meant for everyone. I can’t get my family to always read my blog posts, so I am not expecting everyone to read this. 🤪
However, this post is for that one person, like me, that needed to hear a message that I didn’t realize I needed. I have always dealt with hurt and rejection by NOT dealing with it. I’ve accepted it, adjusted quickly, and kept moving.
Have you ever tried holding more than two or three objects at one time (like rubber balls, toys or clothes we are picking up throughout the house) while still doing average tasks? It can look quite comical if you do! The tasks that are usually easy become more difficult. (Like Mike Todd has so creatively demonstrated in his sermon I have attached to this blog post.)
You see, there are experiences and circumstances that happen to us that we may accept, adjust, and keep moving through while never releasing the pain it may have caused.
These experiences and circumstances are like those rubber balls, toys or laundry we pick up throughout the house while still trying to do other tasks.
I have been in emotional pain for a while, but I don’t feel it daily. You see, that is how Satan deceives us and how we deceive ourselves into thinking what we have been holding on to is ok. I am a very positive, happy person! I love to cut up, sing in a goofy way around the house, make my family happy and lovingly serve them! However, I have been holding on to past hurt and conditioned myself to function with it!
Philippians 4:12-13 (NIV)
12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
This pain goes back to childhood abandonment from my father. I didn’t think it affected me because it’s all I’ve known, but it has. Although I have a good relationship with my ex, I have not fully dealt with a 23 year relationship ending in divorce and the emotional, verbal, and at times physical abuses that transpired during that time. I am holding on to a feeling of rejection and battle with self worth. I have allowed untruths by someone from my husband’s past to blur my focus on trust and rob me of peace at times. I am holding on to guilt from bad decisions that I made in the past to fulfill a void from feeling a lack of love. I am feeling anger towards the medical professionals that tried to convince me to terminate Savannah. I am holding on to family members not liking me and rejecting a relationship with me. The helpless feeling I had while on the phone with a hospital representative, as the nurses were working a code on my momma, haunts me and I have guilt for not being there when she passed. I think of how old our baby would be that I miscarried a little over a year ago and it makes my heart ache.
All of these things have given me a need to seek peace and validation, but the mistake I made is that I have looked to my husband for these things instead of God. Let me be clear, we cannot get from others what only God can give!
How can we receive what God wants us to catch? WE HAVE TO DROP WHAT WE ARE HOLDING ON TO! Releasing the hurt from what life has thrown our way is like dropping all the rubber balls and toys into a toy bin so we are free to catch what God wants to give us.
Philippians 3:13-1 (NIV)13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
As I watched the video I’m attaching, I was overwhelmingly convicted about something else I was holding on to.
At the end of 2013, I was going through my divorce. God spoke to me about two specific things. He put on my heart to sell our house and to delete my Facebook account. I argued with God about FB, but every time I got on FB or even heard someone mention it, I was convicted. So, I deleted it, had complete peace, and didn’t think about it again until several months ago. I have joined a couple of amazing groups associated with Down Syndrome and essential oils. The main way they communicated was through.... what else? Facebook.
So, I innocently piggy backed on my husband’s FB account, not starting my own, to be able to connect with them.
Isn’t it something how Satan can use something so innocent to distract us and take our focus off of the things of God.
I found myself seeing other things on Facebook that distracted me, gave me negative feelings, and endorsed insecurities I needed to drop! With that being said, I will not be on Facebook and will ask my husband to let me know if one of the groups associated with DS has an update.
Hebrews 12:1 (NIV)12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us .
God can only bless the real you, not who you pretend to be. So here I am, being real so another may have the courage to be real, too! Over the years, I got good at carrying hurt on the inside with a strong smile showing on the outside.
“It’s harder to do the things that are easy when you are carrying things you were never meant to carry!”
~ Mike Todd
My friends, we hold on to battles that are not ours to fight and we hold on to relationships that enable us to keep “holding on” to things we need to drop! We allow people and even social media to remind us of frustrations, hurt, and pain! When God sends good things our way, sometimes we can’t “catch” them because our hands and arms are full from carrying an accumulation of pain, rejection, hurt, misjudgment, bad mistakes, abuse, etc. Whatever and whomever has rejected you, embarrassed you, gossiped about you, physically hurt you, or emotionally hurt you doesn’t define you! You may have a fear of rejection and ridicule based on your past and that has held you back from stepping out in faith on a certain calling. Do you have a right, outside of God, to feel what you feel, yes! However, letting go and releasing the negative feelings is God’s desire, but it’s our decision!
God’s plan is better than our problems. What has happened to you and I isn’t a punishment! It’s a platform for God’s glory to be seen in your life!
With that being said, if you are seeing a memory on Facebook that reminds you of something you’d rather leave in the past or that creates negative feelings, then “drop it”. If you are surrounding yourself with people on social media and in your daily life that enable you to carry insecurities, frustrations, hurt, pain of the past, “drop them”. Release and let go. Focus on the present and the future with hope and have your arms free to catch whatever amazing things God throws your way!
I write about life and family. My heart's desire is to educate as I am being educated, while inspiring and encouraging others through the beauty of Down Syndrome.