Can you IMAGINE being labeled and placed in a group by someone that deems your life not as worthy or purposeful as another?
For just a few seconds, IMAGINE hearing others having to go before our government to try to convince them that your life matters and is worthy of a chance. IMAGINE that a medical “specialist” tried to convince your mother that you were not worth a chance in life and attempted to get her to abort you.
IMAGINE being told that because of your differences, you will be sent to a mental institution living with other adult patients, but you are just a scared, hopeless child.
IMAGINE that you will never have a chance to succeed in school, laugh or squeal with excitement as you ride a ride at an amusement park, or feel the warmth and security of a loving home because you are living in an institution or nursing home.
IMAGINE not being included in a mainstream school or invited to parties because others have not realized we are more alike than different.
These scenarios are the reality of many precious lives.
Some lives have to endure what we only can IMAGINE, because of ignorance. Ignorance promotes fear and fear promotes discrimination. .
We are all different in some way. Instead of being afraid of “different”, why not learn from those differences? Why do we study different subjects in college? To be educated, expand our knowledge, and have greater opportunities! May we allow our differences to educate us and help eliminate fear, while giving to others what they have always deserved...opportunities and a chance at life that is truly worth imagining!
This is the second day in a row where The Lord has so gently, sweetly and so intimately spoken to me .... Over two totally different things.
I spent a few days writing about one of the things revealed to me because what was revealed needed to be processed in a way that I could attempt to eloquently share it!
Every message and every word isn’t meant for everyone.
However, this post is for that one person, like me, that needed to hear a message that I didn’t realize I needed. I have always dealt with hurt and rejection by NOT dealing with it. I’ve accepted it, adjusted quickly, and kept moving.
Have you ever tried holding more than two or three objects at one time (like rubber balls, toys or clothes we are picking up throughout the house) while still doing average tasks? It can look quite comical if you do! The tasks that are usually easy become more difficult. (Like Mike Todd has so creatively demonstrated in his sermon I have attached to this blog post.)
You see, there are experiences and circumstances that happen to us that we may accept, adjust, and keep moving through while never releasing the pain it may have caused.
These experiences and circumstances are like those rubber balls, toys or laundry we pick up throughout the house while still trying to do other tasks.
I have been in emotional pain for a while, but I don’t feel it daily. You see, that is how Satan deceives us and how we deceive ourselves into thinking what we have been holding on to is ok. I am a very positive, happy person! I love to cut up, sing in a goofy way around the house, make my family happy and lovingly serve them! However, I have been holding on to past hurt and conditioned myself to function with it!
Philippians 4:12-13 (NIV)
12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
This pain goes back to childhood abandonment from my father. I didn’t think it affected me because it’s all I’ve known, but it has. Although I have a good relationship with my ex, I have not fully dealt with a 23 year relationship ending in divorce and the emotional, verbal, and at times physical abuses that transpired during that time. I am holding on to a feeling of rejection and battle with self worth. I have allowed untruths by someone from my husband’s past to blur my focus on trust and rob me of peace at times. I am holding on to guilt from bad decisions that I made in the past to fulfill a void from feeling a lack of love. I am feeling anger towards the medical professionals that tried to convince me to terminate Savannah. I am holding on to family members not liking me and rejecting a relationship with me. The helpless feeling I had while on the phone with a hospital representative, as the nurses were working a code on my momma, haunts me and I have guilt for not being there when she passed. I think of how old our baby would be that I miscarried a little over a year ago and it makes my heart ache.
All of these things have given me a need to seek peace and validation, but the mistake I made is that I have looked to my husband for these things instead of God. Let me be clear, we cannot get from others what only God can give!
How can we receive what God wants us to catch? WE HAVE TO DROP WHAT WE ARE HOLDING ON TO! Releasing the hurt from what life has thrown our way is like dropping all the rubber balls and toys into a toy bin so we are free to catch what God wants to give us.
Philippians 3:13-1 (NIV)13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
As I watched the video I’m attaching, I was overwhelmingly convicted about something else I was holding on to.
At the end of 2013, I was going through my divorce. God spoke to me about two specific things. He put on my heart to sell our house and to delete my Facebook account. I argued with God about FB, but every time I got on FB or even heard someone mention it, I was convicted. So, I deleted it, had complete peace, and didn’t think about it again until several months ago. I have joined a couple of amazing groups associated with Down Syndrome and essential oils. The main way they communicated was through.... what else? Facebook.
So, I innocently piggy backed on my husband’s FB account, not starting my own, to be able to connect with them.
Isn’t it something how Satan can use something so innocent to distract us and take our focus off of the things of God.
I found myself seeing other things on Facebook that distracted me, gave me negative feelings, and endorsed insecurities I needed to drop! With that being said, I will not be on Facebook and will ask my husband to let me know if one of the groups associated with DS has an update.
Hebrews 12:1 (NIV)12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us .
God can only bless the real you, not who you pretend to be. So here I am, being real so another may have the courage to be real, too! Over the years, I got good at carrying hurt on the inside with a strong smile showing on the outside.
“It’s harder to do the things that are easy when you are carrying things you were never meant to carry!”
~ Mike Todd
My friends, we hold on to battles that are not ours to fight and we hold on to relationships that enable us to keep “holding on” to things we need to drop! We allow people and even social media to remind us of frustrations, hurt, and pain! When God sends good things our way, sometimes we can’t “catch” them because our hands and arms are full from carrying an accumulation of pain, rejection, hurt, misjudgment, bad mistakes, abuse, etc. Whatever and whomever has rejected you, embarrassed you, gossiped about you, physically hurt you, or emotionally hurt you doesn’t define you! You may have a fear of rejection and ridicule based on your past and that has held you back from stepping out in faith on a certain calling. Do you have a right, outside of God, to feel what you feel, yes! However, letting go and releasing the negative feelings is God’s desire, but it’s our decision!
God’s plan is better than our problems. What has happened to you and I isn’t a punishment! It’s a platform for God’s glory to be seen in your life!
With that being said, if you are seeing a memory on Facebook that reminds you of something you’d rather leave in the past or that creates negative feelings, then “drop it”. If you are surrounding yourself with people on social media and in your daily life that enable you to carry insecurities, frustrations, hurt, pain of the past, “drop them”. Release and let go. Focus on the present and the future with hope and have your arms free to catch whatever amazing things God throws your way!
Human Light Houses
“We all come into the world as inheritors for something. It could be a great name, great fame, great wealth. It could also be great tragedy.
If you ever find yourself on a dark road that is not if your doing, just find the house with the light on. It may be down the road a bit. It may even be around the corner, but it’s there. When you find that house with that light on, just know you have a responsibility to be that light to somebody else.”
Something I thought I’d never say is that my heart has been stirred to be a foster parent. However, I’m scared and I doubt. Fear is contrary to faith, but without doubt, faith wouldn’t be developed. My feelings are more of an anxious, nervous, “you must have the wrong person, Lord” reaction.
This journey began with curious thoughts in October. We were on our way to my husband’s golf tournament when I asked him, “what do you think about foster parenting?” His response wasn’t “no” and showed no resistant. Instead, he immediately said, “look it up”. So, I didn’t. Yes, I said DIDN’T. It scared me not to have someone tell me what my flesh wanted to hear.
In my spirit, I was already being called to do this, and not having someone give me an obstacle frightened me.
God doesn’t give up on us, though. He kept placing things before me that kept confirming what He wanted me to do.
A week or two later, I looked up the steps involved with being a foster parent in our state (Ga) and texted my husband, JR. He responded within seconds and his response added to the “wait, what?” feelings I was having.
In my transparency, I am “afraid” of becoming too emotionally attached, I’m afraid of my own momma hen protective feelings and having to give a child I love back. As selfish as that sounds, those are concerns. “I” is also what I kept hearing myself say, instead of “Yes” to The One who was calling my name.
Even on the way to turn our paper work
in, I went back and forth in my mind. Doubting and questioning what God has put on our hearts.
My thoughts included how I’d manage time and honestly, how I’d be inconvenienced.
I texted Jr, and asked “should I turn the paper work in?”
He quickly replied “Yes, baby”.
The major portion of my concerns involve the emotions I will carry for the little ones. One of my fears is my very own emotions. The evils of this world makes me angry! The overwhelming emotions I feel about abuse and neglect almost make me not want to know about them. My mind goes into too much detail and I find myself begging God to send angels of mercy to anyone being abused at this moment because I know a little one is, even as I type.
My ultimate desire is to be obedient and walk in the faith I say I have and to be a humble, unselfish blessing to others.
If someone would’ve asked me about fostering before October 2018, I would’ve said, no. I’m not called to do that. And I wasn’t at that time!
I know there was a reason my job position was eliminated this past Spring. I trusted that decision wasn’t made without passing through the hands of God and now know it was apart of the process.
I recently read about a friend, that is walking a similar journey, encounter someone that told them, “You don’t have to keep praying about it... If you feel led, God has already told you what to do”......
Fast forward a couple of weeks, all the paper work and background checks have been completed for being a foster parent.
Our classes begin the first week in January. A beautiful confirmation that God has called not only me, but our little family unit to foster, is that Alexis and Ava are so excited about this! God doesn’t just call us individually, He calls the family because it involves all of us and we are one, a team.
This part of our journey isn’t about me. It’s not about “my” emotions. It’s about sharing the love of Christ with an innocent child that so desperately needs it and needs to feel loved, protected, and secure.
This past weekend I felt a tremendous feeling to pray for an unknown child that will be placed into our home in 2019. I told Alexis and Ava that there is a child that is in “not so good” situation or in a children’s home that warrants them to be placed into ours. I already have a love for this child and have a sense that someone is missing from our home for the holidays.
This is a prayer I felt led to share with the friend I mentioned earlier in this story and it sums up the beautiful new chapter of our journey that has already begun:
“Lord, you are something... YOU, O Lord always have our back. You always have a plan. You aren’t a genie and don’t just “grant” us what we ask. You allow circumstances to make us more like YOU and to answer what we ask of You. I TRUST YOU, even when I don’t trust the process. I may not even trust myself.... but Lord, I trust you. You have a perfect and beautiful plan not only for these babies, but for their birth families and us. Some circumstances may be harder than others, but You are always revealed in the sweetest, most intimate ways so that YOU and YOU alone get the honor and glory. We are just the conduit. Create in us a clean heart so that Andrea, her husband, JR, me, and all that foster...may be used the way you see fit. Hide us behind the cross as we love others through the eyes of Your precious Son, Jesus. Amen.”
It’s 6am and the first official day of Thanksgiving Break for my children. All three girls are sleeping. My husband has already left for work. As I walk through our living room that is dimly lit from the Christmas lights, my heart is full and I have joy.
I am not without heartache or difficult times. Unfortunately, my husband and I have experienced what other parents have after a prenatal diagnosis of DS, which is extreme pressure to terminate our baby. We also experienced the heartache and extreme trust and faith of handing our baby to a stranger to have open heart surgery.
15 days from today it will be a year that my sweet momma went to be with The Lord and I miscarried. (Within 24 hours of one another). Four months later, my job position was eliminated.
Joy is something that one can have no matter the circumstance.
Joy isn’t based on circumstances, unlike happiness. Happiness is an emotion that is circumstantial.
I have joy because God is good ALL the time. What we may see as tragedy is actually a bigger picture transpiring. You see, God makes no mistakes. Savannah is Savannah, not a diagnosis. Her purpose and one of my purposes through her, is to enlighten others of the beauty in diversity and triumphs over obstacles. She is thriving after her open heart surgery and she has a testimony of how The Great Physician uses the hands of others.
The passing of my momma comes with joy because I know she is with her Lord and knows no pain or physical issues associated with Diabetes. She even had the privilege of holding our unborn child before we did.
Joy also comes with the peace of knowing God has a bigger plan. The job position that was eliminated gave me the privilege of being a full time stay at home mom. That has always been my hearts’ desire.
So, as I sip my coffee in the quiet, dimly lit house, I have joy. I have a full, thankful heart even in the midst of grief, rejection, or any natural emotion from what life presents....because God is truly good all the time.
The car.... a place where some of the most intimate, open, and heartfelt conversations take place.
I get teased by Alexis and Ava that the smallest thing brought up can become a life lesson at times. I guess they’re kinda right. 🤪
One thing my girls know is there is nothing off limits to talk about. I’m thankful that they feel comfortable enough to talk, laugh, and be real in front of their momma.
This morning I told them “Don’t ever settle for the wrong people just because you feel alone.” That includes friends, boys, and possible future business partners! You are worth protecting and loving yourself to never settle!
Even before we depart from an airport, we are prepped in case of an emergency and told to put the O2 mask on ourselves first! We will not be able to benefit others if we are in need ourselves.
The analogy I gave to them is we can never help and love others to our potential, if we don’t do that for ourselves! That isn’t selfish, it’s a necessity. If no one has ever told you that you are loved, I’m telling you now! You are loved!
“For God so loved the world (insert your name), that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
Loving ourselves enough to not allow another to bring unnecessary drama and negativity into our lives is crucial. It’s ok to not be BFFs with everyone. We can and should always be kind and respectful! However, “Iron sharpens iron...” Proverbs 27:17
So if there is someone that is in your circle, job/school environment, or even family that is a negative influence, you can place them in the balcony and love them from afar. Not everyone deserves a front row seat to our life!
If placing someone up in the balcony leaves you feeling “alone”, remember we are never by yourself because God isn’t just looking over us, He is WITH us and will never leave or forsaken us!
You are loved, worth protecting, and most definitely not alone! .
Feeling Guilty When I Shouldn't
When we received Savannah’s diagnosis of Down Syndrome, I felt that I failed. I felt I disappointed JR by not giving him “a perfect child”. Just as one doesn’t know how amazing motherhood is before they have children or how amazing it is to be a grandparent before having grandchildren, I didn’t know the amazing love God would show us through having a child with Down Syndrome. I didn’t know the beautifully unique bond that would be given to JR and I. I didn’t know the tremendous excitement that continues to come with every victory and milestone Savannah accomplishes. So many negative connotations associated with DS is why I advocate and openly share our journey. My ignorance and listening to the negative discussions from the medical community placed an unnecessary guilt and fear in me as a wife, mother, and lady. There is nothing a lady should feel guilty about when their child is given a diagnosis of DS. There is nothing a parent does to cause an extra copy of the 21st chromosome. Why feel guilty about something so beautiful?
There is a 1 in 700 CHANCE of having a child with DS. That means we hit the chromosome jackpot! Instead of feeling guilty, I say to a mom or dad that has just received a diagnosis of DS for their child, CONGRATULATIONS! With any child there will be obstacles and sleepless nights. There will be times romance as a couple takes a back seat. However, there is personal growth and wisdom gained in having a differently abled child. I have learned more how to see others as individuals, not by how they look or act. I also look at other parents with more respect and admiration, never pity. There is also a bond between a couple that is unlike any other. The love we have for one another is amplified by watching our lives come to life! .... All because there is “a little something extra” involved! .
Know Your Tribe
Know Your Tribe
The tribe we surround ourselves with either raises or lowers our standards. They either encourage us to be the best we can be or to not live up to our potential. We simply become who we surround ourselves with. No one becomes great on their own, that includes both positive experiences with friends and experiences with the ones who betray us!
There are those that are meant to be “rooted” friends that are there through the good times and bad. I like to refer to those rare ones as “friend soulmates”! Then, there are acquaintances that are meant to be apart of your journey, but were never meant to stay. These acquaintances may have contributed encouragement or a learning experience. The third type that may come into our lives are those considered enemies. They are even designed as a part of our destiny!
I was reminded in a sermon that Joseph wouldn’t have taken the Throne if his brothers did not throw him in the pit. David would not have been king if Goliath had not been a threat. Jesus wouldn’t have risen from the dead and brought us salvation of Judas didn’t betray him.
Don’t worry about who left or who isn’t cheering you on. Others don’t know what God has put in you and has equip you with!
Keep running the race, while staying in your lane. Don’t look around you. Remember from my last blog post, we are not in competition. There is no set time that our goals are to be achieved. Don’t let fear hold you back from your purpose!
I once heard a phrase that has stuck with me. It says, “I don’t want to be the smartest or wisest one in my group”. In another words, we all need people in our lives who raise our standards, challenge us to meet and exceed our potential, and remind us of our purpose. Another phrase I have heard that rings true with me because I don’t have many “rooted” friends, is this: “I’d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies!” Finding our tribe is essential to success and can also be our determent, depending on the tribe we choose!
Proverbs 27:17 (NKJV)
As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
Brokenness Doesn’t Last Forever
Brokenness Doesn’t Last Forever
During a recent conversation with my sister, I said, “We don’t heal during our pain and hardships because we are in the midst of our emotions. It is not until time has passed that we can reflect with a clear mind and allow the light to shine because of our brokenness.
In my last blog post, I discussed personal obstacles. I mentioned there is purpose in the pain. There is purpose in life! As long as we breath, God isn’t finished with us and there is a light meant to shine, especially in the brokenness!
We are all broken... that’s how the light gets in, and the healing begins.
The beauty of brokenness is that we do not remain broken. Healing takes place. How long does that take? It differs from person to person based on our attitudes, acceptance of circumstances, humility, repentance, becoming better instead of bitter, and believing you are loved just as you are.
I want to show love and let you know no matter what your religion is, background, or circumstance; God is bigger than it all. You may have been broken or your spirit may be currently broken, but there is also healing that can take place. There is hope. You are loved and you matter!
All Of Us Are Broken
All Of Us Are Broken
All Of Us Are Broken
Here is a rhetorical question: How and when did it get instilled in us ladies that we have to be strong enough for everyone including ourselves, no matter the hardships? From an early age, I have felt an immense pressure (that was both given to me through various circumstances throughout my life and put upon myself from having a “people pleasing” personality) to take care of everyone, including my own
We feel a pressure to not show weakness, to not admit insecurities, to be the spiritual leader, maintain a home, care for our family, take dinner to a neighbor, fulfill various appointments made, help bring in an income, and be on time for everything... all while looking clean and put together. I take care of others with pleasure, but feel guilty when I want to be taken care of. I personally feel a pressure to constantly be strong and secure in myself, my marriage, and my future. If I have a moment or day of feeling tired, weak, insecure, lonely, unfulfilled; then somehow I am disappointing everyone and I am not favored. Like so many, I have been through a lot in the last 5 years. My husband of 23 years decided to call it quits, but thankfully I have my two daughters that God blessed me with from that covenant and they are with me every day and every night. I took care of my daughters and my mom, while working two jobs on my own. I did eventually remarry and I now have another beautiful daughter! She is 2 and happens to have an extra chromosome and had open heart surgery last summer. She is imperfectly perfect like us all! December 2017, I had my first miscarriage and lost my mom within 24 hours. Four months later, my job position was eliminated. God has placed me on this beautiful journey and through it all, I continue to learn more about love, life, and myself!
I haven’t “broken” down emotionally in front of anyone, however, I have had my emotional moments in the car or the shower. I feel an expectation to make sure there is peace and happiness among my family because I am only as happy as my saddest child. I know one reason the strong desire is there to make sure everyone else is ok is because I was conditioned to do so during the anger and abusiveness that was endured in my first marriage by my two older girls and myself.
The truth is, I am broken inside. I am so grateful for the relationship I have with God and I know there is purpose in the pain. There is purpose in why people leave (even church friends) and abandon you. There is purpose in the rumors. There is purpose in death. There is purpose in life! As long as we have breath, God isn’t finished with us and there is a light meant to shine, especially in the brokenness!
We are all broken... that’s how the light gets in! The beauty of brokenness, is the healing that takes place afterwards and the ability to love and encourage another while letting them know they are not alone. The "light' of hope, wisdom, and love gained from experiencing real life and real circumstances can shine for others if we chose to let it. Whether one has a child with special needs, doubts their purpose and worth, or has experienced a loss of any kind; the light shared with others from our hardships may just be the strength someone else needs in disguise.
The Importance of Connecting With Others
I recently encountered a sweet reminder of the importance of connecting with other moms! Although everyone has a unique journey that has a special purpose; similarities in circumstances, beliefs, and experiences can begin a lifelong bond! After our prenatal diagnosis, while in the hospital to deliver our third beautiful daughter, and even during all of our routine checkups with our pediatrician, we were not provided information (other than worse case scenarios) about Down Syndrome. We were never directed to support groups or avenues to gather positive stories that may encourage us with hope. We were never offered information that would give us advise. We were never provided resources that are available to greatly help our children, such as occupational therapy, physical therapy, and speech therapy. We were never even given a brochure or told exactly what Down Syndrome is. Unfortunately, this is the common story I have heard from some other moms.
My only resources were Google and Web MD. YIKES!! I found myself having such moments of desperation to know our unborn daughter would be ok.
I slowly began to find mom's like me on IG that truly inspired me and continue to do so. Through Instagram, I was able to see so many beautiful children that had an extra chromosome. I saw families that were living life as usual and doing amazing adventures together! That gave me hope!
One day, when our Savannah Lanier was about 6 months old, my husband happened to turn the tv on and The Steve Harvey Show was playing on that particular channel. He was interviewing a lady named Nancy Gianni. She is the founder of GiGi's Playhouse, which is named after her daughter. GIGI's Playhouse is an example of a positive resource for many, including new parents that have been given a prenatal diagnosis all the way to adults living with the beauty of Down Syndrome. They provide weekly physical therapy for babies and toddlers and have various social classes that include activities and music. Most of all, this organization provides education and support for the entire special needs family!
They have a location in Atlanta, which is only 90 minutes from where we live. We made plans to go that very weekend!
We finally felt there may be a place for us! They were our very first personal contact with our DS community!
When we arrived at GiGi's Playhouse and began to talk to other parents, we were directed to another organization called 'Babies Can't Wait'. They also provide various local therapies for one with special needs. Through 'Babies Can't Wait', I made my first local contact with another special needs mom. She has inspired me by making amazing baskets full of gifts, information, and encouraging words! She then takes them to the hospital when notified about a family that has just had a precious little one like ours!
My newest find is an organization called AbleFinder. Savannah and I have the honor of being one of the ambassadors and spreading the word how it connects parents around the globe! After Savannah’s prenatal diagnosis, I had desperate moments with little hope. I clung to my faith and kept telling myself “God makes no mistakes!” I needed hope. I needed to see other families that were beautiful and normal living with the beauty of Down Syndrome. I wish I had Ablefinder during that time, but I’m here to share this hope-FULL way to actually connect with other families that have paved the way, giving insight with truth, hope, and love. It is also a way to not only receive when needed, but to be that light to another.
What a mission field we have to love, encourage and give hope!
How has the medical community dropped the ball in the matter of delivering positive feedback and hope during a diagnosis of DS? Lives are more than a medical book and statistics. Instead of pointing a finger, I feel it's our duty to share our story to cheer the next one in line! Paving the way for others and advocating on behalf of our children can bless those that come behind us in countless ways! The question I ask myself and try to live by daily is, "What are some things I can I do, to be the person I needed, to someone else?"
God has used this "journey within my journey" to open my eyes to a future I look forward to with HOPE and standing arm in arm with some wonderful new found friends!
You may connect with AbleFinder at
I write about life and family. My heart's desire is to educate as I am being educated, while inspiring and encouraging others through the beauty of Down Syndrome.